Rex M Rogers - Discerning What Is Best

Discerning What Is Best
with Dr. Rex M. Rogers

Details: Written by: Rex M. Rogers; Published: 08 June 2011

In the midst of the Congressman Anthony Weiner episode I heard a news channel commentator argue Rep. Weiner got into his sexting scenario because he was a “driven personality.” The commentator went on to suggest that certain personality types were more open to affairs and more likely to get caught with their pants down because of how they’re wired. In other words, the commentator attempted to explain Rep. Weiner’s behavior in psychological terms.

Later, I heard other news pundits reach for psychological constructs and language to explain why a spate of political and other leaders have gotten themselves into sex scandals. To hear these people tell it, these men can all be seen coming down the walk if we just know what to look for in their instincts for leadership. To prove their points the pundits trot out all the examples that seem to fit their hypotheses: FDR, JFK, Bill Clinton, John Edwards, et al.

I don’t doubt psychological issues influence people. While I don’t believe in determinism I do believe Nature, which is to say our environmental background, helps form and affect us. I also believe in the influence of Nurture, the set of values we’re taught, internalize, and choose to live by. I don’t believe anyone is simply a product of his or her chemicals or social wiring.

It seems to me, the real issue with Congressman Weiner, the recently resigned shirtless Congressman Chris Lee, and a host of others is that these men made choices. Their problems are not for the most part psychological but moral, which is to say spiritual. They live in a society that is much more open to men or women making sexually immoral choices than it was in the days of JFK, much less FDR. They are living in the post-Clinton era when sex is something one does that’s somehow outside the boundaries of who you are and what your responsibilities may be.

I don’t know Congressman Weiner, but I can say with reasonable certainty that he has a sin problem. Not “personal demons” outside his control. Not some victimhood reaching back to his youth. But a series of choices on his part to follow his sexual urges wherever they may lead, even after his recent marriage. He admitted to 6 women, which experiences tell us means there are likely several more. Rep. Weiner isn’t acting beyond his control. He is doing exactly what he wanted to do, even if now he regrets being caught.

He said he loves his wife but not enough to discontinue his immoral and highly risky activity. He said, “It’s a private matter,” yet he’s a Congressman who wants to be known and respected and influential. He said he did not break the law, which is as vacuous as the old “There’s no controlling legal authority” argument Al Gore used to cover his poor choices.

Congressman Weiner and virtually all the others we’ve heard about reaching back a few months, Tiger Woods, Arnold Schwarzeneggrer, Mark Sanford, James E. McGreevey, John Ensign, David Vitter, Larry Craig, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, many more in politics, sports, entertainment, corporate, even religion, are individuals who have made wrong choices. They aren’t psychologically impaired. They’re spiritually disconnected from God and a morality that is good for them and everyone around them. This observation sounds judgmental, but actually, it’s kind.

Blaming our lifestyle on psychological wiring or chemistry, as media are inclined to do, suggests our lives are beyond our own influence. If this is true, we’re hopeless.

On the other hand, if a person is free to make wrong choices, i.e. sin, than he or she is free to make good or proper choices, i.e. act rightly or righteously, which is to say there is hope. There is hope for Congressman Weiner and all the other men listed herein who are still living, if they acknowledge their sin, repent, and walk differently.

If they did this it would take time to rebuild trust with spouses, family, the public, if indeed some ever trusted them again. In most cases, they would lose their current opportunity to lead. But in time, many people would trust them again because human beings are more forgiving than they’re usually given credit.

It all depends on the one in the middle, in this case, Anthony Weiner. If he buys into the idea he’s a victim or the idea he’s controlled by forces beyond his influence, he’s toast. If he owns his behavior and chooses a different path, there’s hope.

What’s causing so many leaders to have affairs? Not their personality type but sin, their choices to chase what they want when they want it no matter the consequences.

*This blog may be reproduced in whole or in part with a full attribution statement. Contact Rex or read more commentary on current issues and events at www.rexmrogers.com or follow him at www.twitter.com/RexMRogers.

Details: Written by: Rex M. Rogers; Published: 04 June 2011

The more I read about what Coach Jim Tressel apparently did the more distressed I get. Here is a highly successful coach of a major university football program, a person who at various times touted his Christian faith, and a man who seemed to embody certain virtues-in-leadership. Now it’s come crashing down.

I react in part because—except for six years in West Virginia and New York—I am a lifetime resident of Ohio (grew up there, went to three universities there) and Michigan (for the past 20 years). I like football, have watched hours of it, and am steeped in the Ohio versus Michigan rivalry. And for a long time I’ve liked Tressel. So this hit home.

At a minimum it appears Coach Tressel lied to his superiors, or at least did so by omission in terms of things he didn’t tell them (there’s enough information now to conclude with a fair degree of certainty that he did). Assuming this is so he succumbed to a major breech in professional and personal integrity. No matter his success winning football games or helping student-athletes turn into men, Tressel violated one of the fundamental tenets of leadership. He proved himself untrustworthy.

I don’t think he is alone in this. The Ohio State University Athletic Director Gene Smith and President E. Gordon Gee were kept in the dark for a few months, but they’ve known about all this now for several months. Their knowledge seems to reach back into the fall. If so, they allowed athletes to play in a bowl game when they should not have been allowed to play. And if Tressel deserved to be fired he deserved to be fired back then. Both the A.D. and the President have handled this matter poorly, even flippantly in the case of the President.

But the primary responsibility lies with Tressel. After all these years working with young men, he knew what his athletes were capable of doing and likely what they were actually doing. So maybe it’s a case of “What did he know and when did he know it?” But Coach knew a long time back, covered it up in classic Watergate fashion, by doing so lied to the public and the NCAA as well as his superiors, and tried to finesse his way through. What could have and should have been a serious matter involving a few athletes was thereby magnified to a very serious matter trashing Coach’s reputation, costing him his job, and putting the entire athletic program and university at risk.

Integrity is a powerful thing. When it exists it creates strength. People admire and follow leaders who evidence integrity. When integrity is violated it weakens leaders and leadership, and once gone it is difficult to impossible to rebuild in a given assignment.

Perhaps Coach Tressel can confess his mea culpa and begin anew somewhere else. I hope he possesses the integrity to do this and also that he demonstrates the resolve to “make things right” as opposed to riding off into the sunset. In any event, there was no way he was going to begin anew at OSU, and I think the same may apply to the A.D. and President. For OSU to move on it needs a clean slate and that means the A.D. and the President also need to fall on their sword. Whether they or the Board of Trustees will possess the courage to act remains to be seen.

One last thought: USC and Michigan have come under NCAA sanction and other programs like Auburn have been investigated. What happened at OSU under Tressel is wrong, unprofessional, and possibly illegal. And unfortunately it’s happening at other schools as well. The NCAA needs to step up to the moment and put in place more teeth and more reforms for ethical compliance in university athletics.

In the end this is another lesson in how greed, power, winning-at-all-costs, and hubris can tempt leaders into actions that destroy their character and opportunities for future achievement. It’s sad, and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Details: Written by: Rex M. Rogers; Published: 02 June 2011

A friend and I stopped for lunch today at an IHOP in Dallas, Texas. A young waitress seated us, spoke pleasantly, told us her name, and said she’d be “helping you today.” We ordered our meals, bantered with her about my friend’s request for an “Arnold Palmer” (half ice tea and half lemonade), which she’d never heard of, and laughed with her as she brought back her first attempt mixing the concoction. She then left to place our orders.

Maybe 10 minutes later we looked out the window to see her walking across the parking lot to her car. We laughed and joked, “Looks like she won’t be helping us after all.” Little did we know.

We waited another several minutes and finally hailed another waitress to ask her about our order. To our surprise, Waitress #2 said no order had been placed and that she knew nothing about it. She also said Waitress #1 had not, as was standard operating procedure, informed her about our table.

Amazingly, Waitress #1 apparently walked out at the end of her shift fully aware she hadn’t placed our order, even though she’d had plenty of time to do so. What made it more amazing is that she’d responded so graciously earlier, emphasizing she would care for our luncheon requests. Considering: she had to know she was leaving when she blatantly made those statements.

It’s not like this is the end of the world. But it’s been a while since I’ve witnessed someone act with utter disregard for protocol and professionalism. Giving her just a little room for doubt, maybe she got an emergency call. If so, she certainly wasn’t hurrying to her car. Actually, she was playing with her hair. No, she just walked out. So much for work ethic professionalism.

We talked about this incident, of course, with our new waitress, who by the way, was nice, efficient, attentive, and professional. Finally we decided we weren’t doing Waitress #1 any favors by ignoring her stiff arm. So we asked to talk to the manager.

The restaurant manager showed up moments later looking like he’d rather be somewhere else and no doubt wondering what we were going to unload on him. But we simply and straightforwardly told him what had happened, what the waitress’s name was, which she’d made a point of telling us—too bad for her—and saying to the manager that we thought Waitress #2 was a good and worthy employee. He apologized for our experience, though he didn’t offer us a free meal, and said he’d care for it.

I don’t know if the manager will follow through. It’s up to him now. But I hope Waitress #1 learns something out of this other than how to make an Arnie Palmer.

Details: Written by: Rex M. Rogers; Published: 01 June 2011

A host of Wanna-Be-President politicians have declared their candidacy or are expected soon to do so. We don’t know which one will ultimately become their party’s 2012 nominee, but I suggest that the candidates will have a better shot at maintaining (Democrat) or getting (Republican) the nod if they observe these commandments:

1—Thou shalt not claim religious commitment for the sake of poll numbers.

2—Thou shalt not commit adultery, have affairs, hook-up, etc.

3—Thou shalt not mention, much less affirm or encourage, “birther” or “truther” conspiracy theories.

4—Thou shalt not ignore the national debt or the budget deficit.

5—Thou shalt not attack political rivals, Americans all, using vitriolic, vehement, vituperative, vicious, vulgar, or otherwise vile language.

6—Thou shalt not lie.

7—Thou shalt not steal.

8—Thou shalt not use double-talk to avoid answering questions.

9—Honor your father and your mother and every other elder.

10—Thou shalt not equate your political views with The Christian way of doing things.

There’s more, but this is a start. If candidates would just do this much, actually demonstrate that character is not dead, both candidates and the electorate would be the better for it.

Details: Written by: Rex M. Rogers; Published: 27 May 2011

Why oh why do we mow grass growing in the medians of the nation’s interstates? But for a rare safety consideration this expenditure of time, money, and man-hours seems unnecessary, even extravagant, in these economically stressful times.

Think about this. This is not just a budgetary issue, though a big one. It’s a conservation issue. We’re burning hundreds of gallons of gasoline, sending comparable toxic emissions into the air, and cutting grasses and small bushes that might otherwise serve as shelter for small animals.

If safety, as in line of sight, is an issue, than brush hog away. But this can’t be the only reason because in some areas miles of interstate medians are allowed to grow into small woodlands. If we must always maintain full line of sight than why are these woods permitted to grow?

If aesthetics is the issue, than plant—as some areas do—the medians and sidebars with wildflowers, perennials, wheat, or small decorative native bushes. Turn the medians and sidebars into attractive self-maintaining natural spaces.

If jobs for mower men and women are the issue, than take the money not expended on gasoline and mowers and instead spend it on flora. Send these men and women out in their orange jackets to plant, plant, plant.

Why do we feel compelled to cut, cut, cut just so we can look at the “lawn” in the middle of the roadway? Is it a leftover trend from the suburbanization of America that began in the 1950s? Is it a habit carried forward from the 1960s when the interstate system was first built—a kind of borrowed sensibility from the German autobahns? Is it we think being able to see farther down the highway somehow makes us safer in our need for speed?

Whatever the motivation we continue to mow like there’s mow tomorrow.

Details: Written by: Rex M. Rogers; Published: 27 May 2011

Remember that little kid in the Bruce Willis movie, “The Sixth Sense,” who said, “I see dead people”? Well, thankfully, I don’t. But “I find pennies.”

I know this revelation is not as startling or creepy as admitting seeing dead people. But hey, one takes ones talents as they come, and for me, it’s finding pennies.

I find them constantly. For years, not a week has gone by that I haven't seen pennies on the floor on jets, under my foot on a sidewalk, tucked into a nook on a shuttle bus. I find them in pristine places like fancy restaurants. I find them even when they’re camouflaged against brown carpet or in dirt. I find pennies day and night, week after week, at home and abroad. And yes, I pick them up.

Once in awhile I find a nickel or a quarter but not often. No, my clairvoyant gift is for pennies. I call it a gift because I’ve never met anyone else who has this story. Perhaps you think I am joking, but I am not. I’ve found pennies so consistently in so many odd places I can’t explain it other than as a gift.

Then there was my Grandma Goldia Rogers. I’d be visiting her on the farm and she’d say, “Let’s go find a 4-Leaf Clover.” Now I don’t know if you’ve ever gone looking for a 4-Leaf Clover, but if you haven’t, you probably do not know that they are rare and virtually impossible to see amidst their hundreds of 3-Leaf Clover cousins.

But this didn’t deter Grandma. Off we’d go and, you guessed it, in a matter of minutes she’d say, “Here’s one,” and hold up a 4-Leaf Clover as big as life. She simply willed it to happen and it did. She did this for years.

I’m not quite that gifted. I’ve never “gone looking” or “willed” the appearance of a penny. I just go my way, look down, and there it is.

That’s actually my theory as to the material substance of this “gift.” When I walk I tend to look down. I look around and I’m aware of the world around me, very aware. But I scan the ground too. So I think I see pennies others just haven’t looked down to see. Simple physics.

But maybe it isn’t physics. Maybe it’s metaphysics. Whatever it is, “I find pennies.”

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