Family

Discerning What Is Best
With Dr Rex Rogers

Two New eBooks at Amazon Kindle!

Details: Written by Rex M. Rogers; Published: 15 February 2012

Remember SALT? Not the recent movie called “Salt” featuring Angelina Jolie. No, the Strategic Arms Limitation Talks of the 1960s-1980s. It’s when the US and USSSR decided it was better to talk than shoot at one another. Later we had the Summit Talks when Reagan and Gorbachev conducted a series of, “Well”—to use Ronald Reagan’s term, “talks.”

Maybe Gradparents and Grandkids should hold Summit Talks? I recently wrote about both sides’ views. For more, check these articles:

Five Things Grandparents Wish Their Grandkids Knew

Five Things Grandkids Wish Their Grandparents Knew

“Talk is cheap,” they say. But then again, who is this “They” that seems to influence our lives so often? Doesn’t matter much what “They” say. Matters what we, in this case Grandparents and Grandkids, say to each other.

Held any Summit Talks recently?

*This blog may be reproduced in whole or in part with a full attribution statement. Contact Rex or read more commentary on current issues and events at www.rexmrogers.com or follow him at www.twitter.com/RexMRogers.

Details: Written by Rex M. Rogers; Published: 24 November 2011

Both of my parents turned 80 years of age this year, Dad during the summer, Mom today. They have been and are good parents by any objective measure.

So on this Thanksgiving Day I am thankful for God’s gift of good parents, something for which I can take no credit. It’s purely God’s blessing, my parents’ grace, and my benefit.

Both of my parents have been Christian people since their youth, and they both introduced me to the faith as a child and took me to every conceivable church event since I was born. What I’m saying is that I grew up in a “Christian home” in the best sense of the phrase.

I never had to doubt my parents’ love, commitment, “being there,” or support. These things were a given, and they continue to be so. They disciplined me as a kid, taught me right from wrong and pushed me toward the right even when I’d have preferred the wrong.

My parents aspired to my higher education before I did, and they paid for much of it. They wanted me to go to a Christian institution of higher learning long before I considered the issue one way or another. They prayed for me to “find” a Christian wife before I got around to thinking about it and before the Lord sent the right one into my life, again without me having much to do with it.

My parents have been faithful church attenders, participators, and leaders for more than sixty years. They lived out the Christian faith, thus providing an unwavering example for me, of course, but for any and everyone who cared to pay attention. No one ever fairly doubted their word or integrity. No one ever had reason to question their faithful motives and generous good works.

Assuming you were blessed with good parents, and not everyone was or is by a sad long shot, but if you were, how do you pay them back? How is it possible to repay someone who has invested an entire life into your life and who in large part helped make you what you are, or at least what you can be?

I think there’s only one way. The only way you can repay good parents is to attempt to live by the values they hold dear, to live as they hoped you would live. If you do this you perpetuate their values and their goals into the third and the fourth generation. You affirm and honor the wisdom of how they’ve chosen to live. You extend their legacy.

I haven’t robbed banks or done physical harm to anyone, thankfully, but then again, I don’t offer myself as a model of the best Christian living. But I do remember, consciously or at times subconsciously, what my parents taught me by word and deed and I’ve tried to live to that standard. Better yet, my wife and I have passed my parents’ Christian values to our own children and they are living out their faith.

Parents, including good ones, don’t all get the privilege of turning 80. But when they do it is a good thing to celebrate long lives lived as unto the Lord. These are my parents, good parents at 80. These are people who have nothing to be ashamed of and who’ve blessed me, my sister, our families, and many more. Now they are modeling how to “finish well” and God grant that as long as he gives me to live I will walk in their footsteps.

Details: Written by Rex M. Rogers; Published: 03 August 2011

Parenting is, I’m afraid, a dying art. At least it seems that way whenever I walk among the masses, watch, listen, and wonder.

I don’t know everything there is to know about rearing children well, and I certainly was not a perfect father; in fact, far from it. But thanks in large measure to a good mother our four children, now up and out, are good, well balanced, thinking young adults who, if I died today, would do well in the world without me. I am grateful to the Lord and my wife and my kids for this. And along the way I learned a little about parenting.

What makes me think parenting is a dying art is what I see and hear just about every time I take a trip. Here are a few wonders just this week:

--Ambling through a store I see a 10-11 year-old boy with his mother. As I walk by I hear the boy use language with and at his mother that blows my hat back. Mother ignores him. Where did this kid learn to talk like that? And why on earth does his mother put up with it? Does she think he’ll simply grow out of the attitudes underlying the vocabulary? Does she think his choice of words is appropriate, good, and good for him? I don’t get it.

--Sitting in a restaurant we see a family approach the counter to order pizza. One teenage son is dressed in jeans so tight you can see every outline of his anatomy. Another perhaps 12 year-old son is wearing a t-shirt proclaiming in large letters “I Love Boobies.” Mom and Dad seem oblivious, which I guess is the problem. Do they really believe how their sons dress is admirable? Do they think how their sons dress is good for them or funny? I don’t get it.

--Walking down the street we’re approached by a family of five, parents probably in their early 40s, three daughters. Each daughter is dressed in a manner prominently exposing, let us say, frontage. Little is left to the imagination. Is this bold immodesty the mother and father’s vision for their girls? Or do the parents believe cutting edge fashion outweighs all other considerations? If the parents don’t like how their daughters are dressing, are they so powerless as to lack any influence upon them at all? I don’t get it.

--Sitting on a ferryboat awaiting departure we watch a family board and sit two rows behind us: mother-now-grandmother, two adult sisters, and four young children belonging to one or both sisters. The younger sister is irate, proclaiming loudly to her sister how she wasn’t awakened soon enough, had not been given any help, was somehow peeved because they were rushed getting on the boat, etc. Mother-Grandmother says, “I’m staying out of this.” Older sister verbally hits back, though not quite so loudly. Younger won’t let it go. This goes on for perhaps five minutes not only in the hearing of everyone near the stern but, more grievously, in the hearing of all the children, who watched with eyes big and mouths, and more importantly, ears open. How could the sister-mothers miss the fact that their kids were getting a lesson in how not to manage anger? Couldn’t their issue have been handled privately? How will the kids act the next time they’re upset? Bigger question: why did Mother-Grandmother let her “kids” do that? I don’t get it.

Not all parents, thankfully, are like this. But in my estimation far too many are abdicating their parental responsibilities, or at least are approaching parenting with a form of presumed powerlessness our grandparents’ generation wouldn’t recognize. I don’t get it.

Children are sponges. They soak up what’s around them. Children are world-class mimics. They imitate whatever is put in front of them. In other words, they'll do what they see and they'll do what parents let them do. Children find security in being given wise and loving instruction, even when they say and act otherwise. In the end, children are best-loved by parents who set good and high standards, model those standards in their own lives, and expect the children to do the same. It works. It’s good for the kids. I get that.

Details: Written by Elizabeth Rogers Drouillard; Published: 23 May 2011

Dad, this is so awesome, thank you!!

Details: Written by Rex M. Rogers; Published: 23 May 2011

Watching grandchildren take important steps in their lives is one of the joys of being a grandfather. Such was my privilege yesterday, Sunday May 22, 2011. I attended the morning worship service at Mars Hill Bible Church, Grand Rapids, Michigan and watched about one hundred people be baptized, including three grandsons. Grandma attended a different church where she presented an update on Women At Risk, International, for which she volunteers, hence one source of my desire to video this event.

Needless to say, it was fun. Mother Elizabeth and father Joe didn't know if the little guy, Jordan, might back out. He was worried about the depth of the water. But he followed his brothers, braved the water, nodded his head to all the pastors' questions, and held his nose.

Each of the boys had earlier at different times made personal professions of faith in Christ. They understood that the water and the baptism experience was simply a matter of obedience to God and a way of testifying to their faith already secured by trusting in Jesus.

At this time, we have one more grandchild, also a boy, and we hope to perhaps see more grandchildren some day if the Lord wills. Either way, I hope to be there to watch grandson number four be baptized when the right time comes.

In Matthew 19:14 it is recorded: "Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.'"

Details: Written by Rex M. Rogers; Published: 20 November 2010

Much has been written about the decline and near decimation of the American black family. It’s not too strong to say the American black family is in crisis to the point of cultural suicide.

This is not to say that there are not many individuals and families who’ve done well, made significant contributions to American culture, produced leaders, or counted many notable achievements in every field of endeavor, including a current President of the United States. But still, the black family and particularly young black males are in serious trouble.

More than one-third of black children live in poverty. Upwards of 70% of black children are born into homes with an absentee father and an unwed mother. Black men are woefully far behind white counterparts in education, which undermines their employment potential. They drop out of school at almost twice the rate of white kids. Black children are three times more likely to live in single-parent households. Black males are imprisoned at a rate six and one-half times greater than white males.

The Black unemployment rate is 89% higher than the white rate (8.7% vs. 16.5%). The high school drop out rate for blacks in some major cities is close to 50%, some up to 75%. Blacks comprise 49% of all homicide victims and 35% of state and federal prisoners. All this simply scratches the surface of a set of social indicators very low and headed lower.

Something has to be done. Yet political leaders on both sides of the partisan aisle and on both ends of the ideological spectrum really don’t have any answers, assuming they pay attention at all.

Education would help, of course, especially in an age when employment depends far more on brains than brawn. But education won’t work if the black family culture remains in shambles. There’re not enough teachers or social workers to assure black children are in school, work hard, and are fed and clothed.

Leadership is gravely needed, and it’s needed most from within the black community. Blacks are going to have to do for themselves because it is eminently apparent others are not going to do for them. Black leaders, civic, business, education, religious, political, need to join voices and efforts and help black families pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. Washington, D.C. is not going to do it and neither are state capitals--I'm not discounting how government may be helpful in reducing the impact of racism; I'm just saying there's a lot more to the story and black leaders must lead the charge.

What’s needed more than anything else is a spiritual revival in the black family. Politics, education, government programs, social work, all of these have their place but none can change hearts, value systems, and ultimately cultures.

If the black family is to survive and certainly if more of them are to thrive, a huge spiritual transformation must take place. They need new value systems based on who black individuals are in God’s eyes, not government’s. This can only come from religious, spiritual, and I’d say, Christian sources. Nothing else is going to work on it’s own, not even education, essential though it is.

Finally, another troubling thing about all this: the amount of time and money American churches put into international missions, which is good and appropriate, versus how little time and money is given to reaching and rescuing people across town. The black family needs the Church, red, yellow, black, and white.

*This blog may be reproduced in whole or in part with a full attribution statement. Contact Dr. Rogers or read more commentary on current issues and events at www.rexmrogers.com or follow Dr. Rogers at www.twitter.com/RexMRogers.