Holidays

Discerning What Is Best
With Dr Rex Rogers

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Details: Written by Rex M. Rogers; Published: 28 December 2010

For about 25 years now, maybe longer, I’ve used this week between Christmas and New Year’s as a time to write long hand, yellow-pad notes to people who’ve made a particular impact upon my life in the past year. Not a lot of them, actually maybe just four or five, or on a big year as many as seven. These notes or short letters are my way of expressing thanks and touching people who’ve touched me.

I know other people do this because I’ve heard them mention it or seen their Christmas letters. But most of the ones I’ve seen are more generic, sent to one and all. Nothing wrong with this.

I’m talking about personalized notes to selected individuals who’ve done something, modeled something, been a listening ear, or simply “been there” in some way that made a difference in my life, family, and/or career.

Writing gratitude notes to people during New Year’s Week has been a good habit for a number of reasons.

First, it makes me take stock. The practice forces me to remember people and actions in detail and recall why they might have been important. It reminds me that I didn’t do as well or accomplish as much or live as well on my own as a quick glance might lead me to think.

Second, this practice requires me to put into words how the people or their actions affected me and to put into words my expression of gratitude. It makes me articulate what up till now may have gone unsaid.

Third, it allows me to see how God has worked in my life and family in the past year, using people to bless or direct us. It helps me see how God has corralled me or used others to remind me what’s really important.

Fourth, it’s a good reminder of which individuals built into my life and who, if I am wise, I’ll maintain contact with, listen to, and seek to return the blessing.

I share this habit as a recommendation. It’s a practice that’s probably blessed me more than it’s blessed anyone who received the snail-mail note.

I need to get out of this blog now. I’ve got gratitude notes to write.

*This blog may be reproduced in whole or in part with a full attribution statement. Contact Dr. Rogers or read more commentary on current issues and events at www.rexmrogers.com or follow Dr. Rogers at www.twitter.com/RexMRogers.

Details: Written by Rex M. Rogers; Published: 23 December 2010

It seems our home is a breeding ground. Workrooms are apparently getting together late at night. Next day, voila, more workrooms.

It’s the season, I think. There’s something about Christmas that demands space for stuff, hidden and lounging about. Stuff to be wrapped. Stuff to wrap with. Stuff to “conspire, as they dream by the fire.”

The wife is in the middle of all this, managing the workrooms like different fronts on a battlefield. Right now, all’s quiet on the Western Front, but the Eastern one is aglow with frenzied activity. I can hear Christmas music and rattling paper, smell candles burning. Things are happening there that will delight grandchildren and bring smiles to daughters and daughters-in-law. The men involved will grin in a manly man sort of way. I know, I’ve been there, done that.

The wife, the Grandma, you see, is the conductor and soul of the Thanksgiving-to-Christmas symphony. She signs off on the right tree to cut, I erect it, and she decorates it. Actually, she bedecks two, one real, one artificial. Used to be three when the kids were home: one real—the big one, one artificial—the artistic one, and another real one—the smaller one adorned with kids’, traditional, and sentimental family ornaments. Whatever, she is seen in them all.

The wife is the one, too, who actually works in the workrooms. I make forays in and get out quickly, like a medic on a field of battle. She stays in the line of fire and directs the action. She wraps decoratively. I tape paper around purchased items. She is the one, of course, who envisioned, found, purchased, and carried home the stuff—gifts—in the first place. She’s the one who transforms the stuff into Christmas memories.

So multiplying workrooms are a symbol of love not labor. God give us more workrooms.

Details: Written by Rex M. Rogers; Published: 06 December 2010

There’s so much about Christmas that’s worth enjoying and remembering that no one will ever run out of stories, songs, or sonnets.

Christmas is special because it’s the time we celebrate the birth of Jesus, the babe in the manger who is Savior of the world.

Beyond this greatest of all Christmas gifts most of us add family, tradition, faith and worship, love, hope, goodwill, and peace on earth. We add coming home for the holidays and times just as poignant when we can’t come home. We think of lights and decorations, gifts and giving, holiday music, snow, food and feasting, excited children, seeing loved ones long unseen, and so much more.

Christmas is the best time of year and one of the things that make’s it so are the memories of Christmases past. Even Ebenezer Scrooge knew that much.

Recently I recalled a few of our Christmas memories. Few recollections are more fun. I commend it to you.

Details: Written by Rex M. Rogers; Published: 30 October 2010

Halloween is strange in more ways than one. It’s a holiday, so to speak, that started Good, became Bad, and has now turned increasingly Ugly. Yet some of the Good remains.

The Good

Halloween, insofar as it’s about children, innocence, harmless fantasy, candy, and fun is a good thing. That’s the Halloween I grew up with and that’s the Halloween our children experienced. It’s costumes and laughter, silliness, and excitement about how much chocolate you bagged.

Good Halloween is parents, grandparents, or older siblings or friends or relatives standing at the end of driveways waiting for unrecognizable, sort of, children to return. It’s telling them not to run on uneven sidewalks with masks on their face, inevitably being ignored, and inevitably picking someone up, along with their spilled candy. I’ve done this at least a hundred times.

Good Halloween is pumpkin carving, candles, and low-level scary things like black cats in the dark, sheet-ghosts, and big dark Victorian houses.

The annual Pumpkin Carving Night my wife initiated is now about 15 years old, at least. Ten, fifteen, twenty family members and friends show up. We’ve watched girlfriends come and go and a couple of them come and never go—now one of them brings along our baby grandson. It’s a great night of frivolous frivolity. And in a few words, it’s just “good clean fun.” Or maybe not so clean because it produces tons of pumpkin innards.

Halloween can be Good.

The Bad

Halloween has been a suspect holiday from a Christian point of view for a long time. It began, though, as “Holy” or “Hallow’s Eve,” (Halloween) the evening before a church-established holiday called “All Saints' Day,” on which martyrs were remembered. In the early centuries of the church, so many people were martyred for their faith that a special holiday was needed to honor them.

In the Eighth Century, things took a wrong turn. Hallow’s Eve began to be associated with pagan beliefs, including the Celtic festival Samhain. On this day people believed the dead came back and walked among the living. It wasn’t long before people engaged this day by wearing masks, dressing as the dead, introducing bloody sacrifices of animals or even human beings, and worshipping or otherwise practicing the occult, along with attempts to contact the dead, evil spirits, and the Devil himself. Superstitions ran amok.

Costumes became symbols of ghosts and goblins. “Trick or Treat” originated in the belief dead souls were hungry, so food was put out to appease them, or they might respond angrily…with a trick. Jack-o-lanterns were born around Druid religious fires built to ward off evil spirits. People carried home some of the “sacred” fire in hollow vegetables.

It’s too bad we’ve lost the sense of respect represented in All Saints or All Hallow’s Day. Thinking about the martyrs of the faith would be a meaningful reminder in an age that believes nothing significant has gone before. And by the way, it’s of more than passing historical interest that Martin Luther chose October 31, 1517 as the day to post his “95 Theses” on the Wittenberg Door.

Halloween can be Bad.

The Ugly

To say things have gone from bad to worse for Halloween in the past, say, twenty-five years doesn’t cut it. It’s gone from bad to ugly.

Urban centers are especially vulnerable, but virtually every region of the country has experienced the horror of children discovering razor blades embedded in apples or poison in candy. Who could do this? Yet it happens.

Cities like Detroit have been forced to introduce curfews or even suspend Halloween events in an attempt to control burning on Devil’s Night or Fright Night. The New Jersey Department of Education has designated the third week of October “Violence and Vandalism Week,” and conducts awareness programs to warn parents. School districts across the country have cancelled Halloween festivities in the name of safety for children.

Meanwhile, Halloween in the marketplace has become a celebration of the ghoulishness, vulgarity, gore, slashers, sensuality even for young children, mutilation, and gaudy Mardi Gras-like orgy. In neighborhoods, malicious pranks have increased, as have juvenile delinquency and property destruction. No longer do a group of boys coax a cow onto the school rooftop. Now they break windows, set fire to laboratories, or assault passers-by, all in the name of Halloween.

Halloween can be Ugly.

So What Now?

Has Halloween become an increasingly threatening nemesis of our children? Should we ignore or maybe resist it?

Many Christian families take a “Total Withdrawal” approach and no longer observe Halloween other than perhaps via church-sponsored Halloween-alternative events. Other Christian families opt for a “Selective Participation” approach, looking upon Halloween like everything else, as a matter for spiritual discernment. Still others abandon Halloween because they don't like the high sugar content and low nutrition value of typical Halloween candy.

Our family applied the Selective Participation approach, and I think it worked well. I'm not against all Halloween celebrations and certainly not against children enjoying dress-up fantasy and candy. Nor am I against some scary entertainment, though horror in general is not my thing and I admire Stephen King more as an author than as horror-king. Some of Halloween is fun, but I'm usually glad each year when the day has come and gone because much in the media run-up is grotesque theatre of the absurd.

Halloween is part of cultural change. It requires us to apply our faith in a way that "tests the spirits to see whether they are from God" (1 John 4:1). Only in this way will we be able to maintain a biblical view of the world in the time in which God has placed us.

Talk about all this with your children in light of God's Word. Make Halloween, the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, into something that's positive for your kids. Make Halloween a teaching moment.

Halloween is now the second-highest money making holiday of the year. It’s not going to go away. So we have to discern what’s good and enjoy. Teach your kids, line upon line, precept upon precept.

And oh, our annual Pumpkin Carving Night is tonight.

Details: Written by Rex M. Rogers; Published: 06 September 2010

There’re a few things I think the world would be better off without. Wouldn’t it be great to ring out the old year and leave these things behind with 2006? Here’s my list:

The Iraq War. Sure, I know this is unrealistic, but we’re dreaming here, OK? No matter what one’s political philosophy, surely we can agree that we wish either the war was over or, more to the point, our soldiers and sailors were home.

Saddam Hussein. Personally, he’s history. Let’s hope his legacy is also history. He left us with one last ludicrous image, a mass murderer carrying the Koran and mouthing religious statements on his way to the grave.

Vitriolic Partisan Politics. The Founding Fathers knew there would always be factions, and in some sense this fact is a strength of the American republic. But the disappearance of gentlemen politicians like Gerald R. Ford has not been good for our democratic polity. In their stead, we’ve witnessed the emergence of politicians who confuse disagreement over ideas with disrespect of persons. These politicians on both sides of the isle loathe one another. This cannot be and is not good for the country.

Poster Boys for Poor Sportsmanship. France’s World Cup Zinedine Zidane, NBA’s Allen Iverson, MLB’s Barry Bonds, Dallas Maverick’s owner Mark Cuban, Denver Nuggets vs. New York Knicks, NFL’s Terrell Owens, Olympian embarassment Bodie Miller, perennial poor sportsman Coach Bobby Knight.

World Poker Tour. This isn’t about competition. It’s about gambling, greed, and a gullible audience.

“Truthiness.” This new word for an old problem—not telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth—describes “authors” James Frey, O.J. Simpson and “publisher” Judith Regan, and Harvard undergraduate Kaavya Viswanathan. It also describes political “spin.

“Oh My God!” Is this the only phrase television and film writers know for demonstrating surprise? I, for one, am tired of hearing this phrase constantly on television programming, even from the mouths of children. From a Christian perspective, this is using the Lord’s name in vain and a violation of the third of the Ten Commandments. TV and movie writers, “Get a clue. Find a new phrase indicating surprise or concern.”

E.D. Commercials. Am I the only one weary of erectile dysfunction advertisements? O.K., we know this physical condition exists and that products like Viagra and Cialis, to name only two, are made to address the problem. So why do we need to keep hearing about it on nighttime television?

Voyueristic, Self-indulgent “Reality” Shows. Enough with hearing about everyone’s feelings. I watch television to escape and be entertained, not to live through the problems of someone else’s life, especially immature, narcissitic people.

Celebrity Worship. This is an old one, but wouldn’t it be great to leave behind in 2006 the lives and foibles of TomKat, Brangelina, Britney Spears and Fed Ex, Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Ritchie, and Paris Hilton? Does what these people do really matter?

Soft Porn in Mainstream Advertising. No one can say with a straight face the sex saturation is not the primary, regular, and overwhelming mode of presentation in virtually all mainstream advertising. I venture to guess that any given man alive today has through media seen more female flesh than any one hundred men a century ago, even men faithfully married for sixty years.

Same Sex Marriage Debates. Who, even one generation ago, would have believed there would come a day when this kind of immorality would be openly discussed, embraced, and even promoted? I do not wish to deny any person, no matter what their sexual choices, their citizenship rights to life, liberty, safety, or opportunity. On the other hand, I see nothing good coming to a culture that legalizes sexual perversion.

“Evangelicals” as a New Political Word. Since the 2000 presidential election, “Evangelicals” has become a media term for any religiously devout Protestant who holds to so-called traditional views of morality. Such “Evangelicals” who hold such views are no longer considered part of a long heritage of American Christian beliefs but rather representatives of some strange new “fringe,” Far Right, or otherwise extremist group. I think this is an unfair and an inaccurate characterization and I am weary of being labeled improperly.

Poor Cell Phone Etiquette. I use a cell phone—regularly. I don’t use it standing immediately beside another person. I don’t use it loudly in restaurants. I don’t generally interrupt meetings with others to take cell phone calls. I was actually in a funeral home recently, talking to another man in the line waiting to pay respects to the deceased and extend condolences to family members. The man felt his phone ring, took it out and looked at it, then said “Excuse me” and proceeded to interrupt his conversation with me and conduct business on the phone in the funeral home waiting line. That one was over the top for me—and this fellow is a nice guy. But he’s addicted to his phone.

What would you like to leave behind in 2006?

Details: Written by Rex M. Rogers; Published: 06 September 2010

The shift from the “Spirit of Christmas” to the “Spirit of New Years” always bothers me. The first focuses upon love, family, the Christ child, gifts, warmth, and well-being. The latter focuses, at least in popular culture and media, on hard-partying, alcohol consumption, pushing the limits, and excess. And this abrupt shift all takes place within a week.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a party-pooper—or at least I don’t think I am. I’ve gone to my share of New Year’s Eve parties, and I’ve enjoyed the fun, friends, and fellowship. But I’m not impressed with people who want to let it all hang out in an overnight effort to develop a historic hang over. What’s it really mean to hammer yourself this way? It’s like these people have had enough of giving to others and now they want to live, live, live for themselves. New Year’s Eve as portrayed in media always feels to me like “Narcissism run amok.”

I do like the idea of New Year’s Resolutions, though. As an educator, I get this opportunity more than once per year, at the beginning of the Fall Semester and again at the beginning of the Spring Semester. But for most people, New Year’s is the time when we think about what we’d like to change about ourselves and our lives. Insofar as people take this opportunity seriously I think it’s a good practice. I’ve known people who set out to change their professions and did. I’ve known people who’ve made resolutions to lose 10 or 20 or 30 pounds and did. I’ve also known some people who’ve set spiritual goals, some publicly shared and some privately held, but each to good effect as these folks learned to trust God anew with their “issues.”

One way I’ve tried to keep the Christmas spirit alive into the New Year is to use this week to reflect upon who during the past year has made the most positive impact upon or contribution to my life. Who helped me when they did not have to do so? Who corrected or mentored or invested in me? Who gave to me with no expectation of return? Who, aside from my family, cared about me in a way that I wish I more consistently cared about others? Who really made a mark on me this past year?

When I identify these few people, maybe no more than three or four, usually but not always men, I write each one of them a one or two page hand-written thank you. I’ve done this pretty consistently for about twenty years. I’m not saying this to draw kudos or because I think this small act makes me special. I say it because it’s been a very good “discipline” for me, reminding me that I do not achieve alone, that I do not contribute alone, that I do not succeed alone, and that I want to be like the one leper out of ten who returned to thank the Lord Jesus for healing him, not the nine who lived ungratefully.

If you become oddly saddened by the mad and maddening rush of the New Year, I recommend this practice of reflection and thanksgiving to you. It will uplift your spirit. It will uplift others’ spirits to whom you write, and it will extend the Spirit of Christmas into the New Year.