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New Year’s Resolutions are fun if not always fruitful. Here are a few resolutions better left unmade:

--I resolve to eat with wild abandon.

--I plan to pay more taxes cheerfully.

--I’ll watch every episode of each new “reality” TV program in 2011.

--I’ll invest all my savings with Bernie Madoff.

--I hereby give up Starbucks in favor of McDonald’s coffee.

--I resolve to fund my retirement plan buying lottery tickets.

--I’ll hold my breath until Conan O’Brien is actually funny.

--I’ll ask Lindsay Lohan for advice.

--I will send money to the ACLU, Planned Parenthood, and

--I’ll read every “Teen Paranormal Romance” book in Barnes and Noble.

--I resolve to enroll in the Charlie Sheen school-for-how-to-live-responsibly.

--I’m going to write books about Amish celebrities.

--I’ll support ethanol subsidies.

--I resolve to believe everything Tiger Woods says.

--I’ll watch more bowling on TV.

--I resolve to eat more sugar, salt, and flour.

--I will join the ranks of those who never exercise.

--I expect to visit all the world’s toxic waste dumps.

--I will listen to all of Vice President Joe Biden’s speeches in one marathon weekend.

--I’ll believe in the Detroit Lions.

--I resolve to keep making resolutions.


© Rex M. Rogers – All Rights Reserved, 2010

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