New Year’s Resolutions are fun if not always fruitful. Here are a few resolutions better left unmade:
--I resolve to eat with wild abandon.
--I plan to pay more taxes cheerfully.
--I’ll watch every episode of each new “reality” TV program in 2011.
--I’ll invest all my savings with Bernie Madoff.
--I hereby give up Starbucks in favor of McDonald’s coffee.
--I resolve to fund my retirement plan buying lottery tickets.
--I’ll hold my breath until Conan O’Brien is actually funny.
--I’ll ask Lindsay Lohan for advice.
--I will send money to the ACLU, Planned Parenthood, and MoveOn.org.
--I’ll read every “Teen Paranormal Romance” book in Barnes and Noble.
--I resolve to enroll in the Charlie Sheen school-for-how-to-live-responsibly.
--I’m going to write books about Amish celebrities.
--I’ll support ethanol subsidies.
--I resolve to believe everything Tiger Woods says.
--I’ll watch more bowling on TV.
--I resolve to eat more sugar, salt, and flour.
--I will join the ranks of those who never exercise.
--I expect to visit all the world’s toxic waste dumps.
--I will listen to all of Vice President Joe Biden’s speeches in one marathon weekend.
--I’ll believe in the Detroit Lions.
--I resolve to keep making resolutions.
© Rex M. Rogers – All Rights Reserved, 2010
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